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The most amazing play I've seen
Happened just last night.
A fly ball high into the dome
Struck and broke a light.
Some jagged glass cut through the ball
And sliced it right in two.
The center fielder got both halves,
Picked them up, and threw.
The fans let out the biggest roar
I think I've ever heard:
The pieces threw two runners out --
At second and at third.
That blind old ump behind the plate! --
He's such a scary sight.
His eyes look like tomatoes;
His teeth are long and white.
Just like a dragon, flames shoot out
From both his ears and nose.
And he calls "strike" on everything
The other pitcher throws
(Especially when I'm at bat,
And oh, it makes me mad)!
But when he doesn't ump my games,
I really love my dad.
Our pitcher winds up, throws the 3-2 pitch.
Behind the plate, I watch it float toward me.
I set my catcher's mitt on the ground,
slide a Baseball Digest from my back pocket,
and read an article about Nolan Ryan.
The ump pulls a harmonica from under his hat
and plays "Slow Boat to China."
The batter falls asleep waiting for the ball to arrive.
When it finally does there's nothing
for me to do except close my magazine,
pick up my mitt and hold it open for the ball.
And there's nothing for the batter to do
except dream of how he might have clobbered
that pitch had he stayed awake.
And there's nothing for the ump to do
but pause in the middle of the final chorus
to shout, "Strike Three!"
And there's nothing for our pitcher to do
except let his lips curve ever so slowly
into a big smile.
Don't ever pitch a spitball,
For you would break a rule.
Don't ever pitch a spitball,
Not even if you drool.
To pitch a spitball is an act
I think you might regret,
Especially if it's juicy
And gets everybody wet.
If there's baseball on the moon
do they play night games
beneath a full earth?
If there's baseball on the sun
where do they go to find shade?
If there's baseball on Pluto
are games interrupted
by barking dogs?
If there's baseball on Mercury
are outfield grasses red?
If there's baseball on Saturn
do people from Mars
and Jupiter and Uranus
park their space ships
on the rings and watch?
If there's baseball
in other solar systems
do they measure innings
by light years
and use stars for baseballs?